“The Selfish Child” As a “mama”, you may have already heard or lived an experience with this disturbing trait in one of your children or children close to you, but do you think that you may be the cause of this problem without realizing it? This may be shocking to you, but indeed, the child may acquire this reprehensible trait through the method of education and treatment with him, whether from family members or outside it. The question remains, how do you notice that your child’s behavior needs correction? And how do you deal with it in steady and clear steps?!

How many times have you heard from your child the phrase “I don’t want anyone to play with my toys, this is my play alone!” An embarrassing and disturbing situation for any mother whose child has become selfish and possessive. Of course, as a mother, you love your child and wish to give him everything you have, and you certainly feel that he deserves more, but unintentionally, this feeling may reach your child in the opposite direction and affect him negatively and make him selfish! Thus, he turns into a narcissistic person who feels that he is better than others and that he has privileges to win everything he wants.

“Loving your child is a very healthy and good thing, but thinking that your child is better than other children may lead to narcissism, and there is certainly nothing healthy or good about narcissism,” he said. Dr. Brad Bushman Professor of Social Communication and Psychology at Ohio State University.

What does selfishness mean?

Selfishness means excessive concern for oneself only without looking at others, and refers to the love of possession and the dislike of sharing with others.. The idea in general revolves around the love of obtaining anything for oneself, and on the contrary, the opposite of selfishness is sacrifice, but this characteristic may also develop to self-sacrifice and give everything we have For others, it may also develop because the person sacrifices his own needs and prefers others over himself.

Certainly, in our topic here, we do not mean that, as the child is supposed to be selfless, that is, he likes to share with others and does not feel jealous towards them, but he must also be careful and not neglect his right to others, and here comes the role of the family in correct guidance and behavior modification in a healthy and effective way to control Libra, to ensure that the child remains in the middle, neither selfish nor self-sacrificing for the sake of others.

Selfishness in children

In a study conducted by some researchers to measure the percentage of narcissism in children, they found that children at young ages, that is, from the beginning of their lives until they reach the age of about five years, are narcissistic by nature, but this is through an innocent feeling resulting from the age stage that they go through, for example if I asked the children at this age who is good in a certain subject, and they will all raise their hands because normally children will not make the comparison, as he only focuses on himself, and they will not understand anything about comparing themselves with others until about the age of eight!

The selfish child and the reasons for this annoying trait

It is normal for a child at the beginning of his life to focus on himself and center on himself, but with time and maturity, self-centeredness turns to self-centeredness and others at the same time, but if the opposite happens? There are several reasons that may help in the development and growth of the feeling and behavior of selfishness in your child without you knowing and giving him an adjective selfish child The parents themselves may be one of these reasons, either directly or indirectly.. Continue to discover the reasons.

If the child feels from his inception that the family neglects him and does not pay attention to him, especially when he is in a state of anger or anxiety, then he will have more self-interest and self-centered motives and focus on his actions, possessions and private things only, such as toys without looking at others .. In this case, the child’s feeling is normal, as he He compensates himself for the lack of interest and love on the part of the family.

• Excessive pampering:

Pampering the child excessively and exaggeratedly may be another reason for selfishness, as taking extra care of the child and not setting certain limits for him in dealing makes the child not look and care only for himself. This feeling develops within him more self-love, and he feels that the whole universe revolves around him only and he will become obsessed with himself, and therefore he will not share with others, in addition to that in this case he may learn lack of discipline as well as selfishness.

• Unfairness between brothers:

Also, in the event that a fair method is not followed in dealing with sibling children, whether fathers or mothers, this will develop selfishness in the child to compensate for the injustice he is exposed to from the treatment of his parents, in addition to the behavior of jealousy will develop in him towards his brothers and he will not share anything with them, of course.

• Low self-confidence:

In the event that the child does not feel confident in himself, he will not have social intelligence or communication with others, and therefore he will suffer from a lack of understanding of others or their feelings. Get close to him and he will become selfish, so you must support the child’s self-confidence.

• blind mimicry

The parents themselves may be the source of the child’s selfishness, in the event that the parents themselves are selfish and act selfishly and with the same love during daily dealings. On it, such as nurseries, schools, or clubs, it will also develop in him the characteristic of selfishness.

Steps to modify the child’s selfish behavior

If you are looking for ways to modify your child’s selfish behavior to restore his behavior again, this is an amazing thing, but first you and the child’s father must come together as one man, to put your foot on the first step of the right path, and the first of these methods is to pay attention to these points well:

1. You should already be aware that selfish behavior is not easy and must be addressed, and that it is a big problem, and it is not, as you think, a stage and it will pass.
2. Be serious about treatment and never tolerate any selfish attitude of the child any more.
3. You should know that it will not be easy at the beginning so that you do not get bored and lose from the first round, and that it will become more difficult as your child is spoiled and accustomed to fulfilling all his orders and requests, so you must be smarter than your child and prepare well.
4. You must be firm with his actions and take into account every big and small, and be expected and ready for anything or a reaction by the child.
5. Start directing and if he does not respond to any of the methods that you will follow, then consider applying punishment to him.

The 7 steps to correct behavior:

• Getting to the root of the problem:

You must first search for the causes and roots of the problem that your child suffers from and know the main reason behind his selfishness, so prepare a list of expected reasons for this behavior, whether from home, people and friends around him, or from school, and if you notice that selfish behavior has recently acquired, you must review What has changed in your child in the last period, to put your hand on the problem.

• Intolerance of Selfish Behavior:

You must be clear with yourselves first before your child and take a decision not to tolerate any selfish attitude or act on the part of the child whatsoever, and you must communicate this image to the child so that he can understand it and know that this behavior will not be tolerated, be firm and steadfast in your position, You must direct him with every situation in which he behaves selfishly and explain the dimensions and consequences of this situation so that he knows that what he did was wrong, and make it clear to him explicitly that this act is unacceptable and that you do not fully agree with it.

• Teaching him the science of empathy:

The child must learn how to empathize with others, and to put himself in their place, because children who put themselves in the place of others and feel their pain and needs develop in them the characteristic of generosity and be selfless, so you must teach your child the art of empathy and always refer to the feelings of others in front of him. You can also develop this in him by referring to the expressions of the faces of others around him and help him understand each expression or behavior of Badr among them in order to comprehend and understand the difference between different feelings and between sadness, joy, happiness and others.

Also, you can manipulate the child with the game of imagination, by imagining himself in the place of another person, and making him imagine how he would feel at that time if he was exposed to the same situation that this person is exposed to .. This will help you a lot in correcting his behavior.

• Teaching him selflessness:

Parents must point out to the child the selfish behavior and explain to him the opposite of this behavior, which is self-denial, by supporting his positive attitudes. proud and happy, and thus the child will repeat these situations again.

• Set restrictions and limits:

The child develops a selfish characteristic if he gets used to pampering and getting everything he wants, so you must set specific and clear limits and restrictions for him that are appropriate for his age so that he does not cross them, and you must stick to them and not give in to him no matter what happens, and be aware that the child may resort to other tricks to obtain What he wants is like crying and anger, but you must be firm.. in order for him to understand that he cannot get anything or what he wants whenever he wants, and the people around you must also take the same way as you in dealing so that what you do with him will not be in vain.

• Be a role model for him:

Children are always looking for role models and ideals, and the best role model for them are parents. Learn how to lead your child positively through positive attitudes in front of him. Teach him indirectly through your behavior with others and dealing with them generously, and always draw attention to good and decent deeds that leave an impact. Good in the hearts of others, share with others in front of him so that he also learns how to be cooperative and share with others, you must first be a good role model and thus he will imitate you and become selfless.

• Reward your child:

You must encourage and reward your child if he takes an unselfish attitude to develop in him the motives to continue on this path, and tell him that his attitude is good this time and talk to him about the situation at length and hear from him why he did so to enhance his self-confidence and also to encourage him to repeat such situations.

In the end, dear parents, we hope that we have provided you with everything you are trying to know about how to modify the behavior of selfishness in children and how you can treat this behavior easily, easily and wisely. Any psychological problems or complexities.. Cultivate within him the love of goodness and sharing. Our children are like little roses. We must keep them nurtured and nourished in the best possible way. Teach them that “happiness spoils and returns to its owner.” Now, we will take you on a quick journey to discover some other problems that you may not know about. Your children!